


Ten Little Kittens

by Madcinder



Category: K-On!
Genre: Murder Mystery, Parody, Ten Little Roosters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 16:56:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9772157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madcinder/pseuds/Madcinder
Summary: Ritsu throws a party to celebrate the graduation of Azusa, Ui, and Jun in the Light Music Club. Things take a turn for the worse when someone is murdered, and all the school's doors are locked. A mysterious poem is left on the door by the killer, outlining how the rest will die. Sorta crack-horror. Not to be taken seriously.





	1. Ten Little Kittens

Our story begins on a night like any other night, but this night would end unlike any other. It starts in a school, in a club room, where the friends of the Light Music Club were gathered in celebration, as three of the girls had just graduated into college. Several extra tables had been set up for the occasion. The happy chatter of friends talking filled the room with a backdrop of a sweet melody of cat noises produced by Tsumugi Kotobuki and her keyboard next to the door.

At one of the tables Jun Suzuki and Mio Akiyama were talking. The younger bassist was broaching an uncomfortable subject for the both of them. "So, uh, you think my breasts could get that big?" Mio shook her head, just glad Jun was being quiet. Jun pressed further. "I mean, you know, with time?"

Mio kept shaking her head. "No. No, I don't- no."

Jun looked away, somewhat miffed. "Alright..."

Not far off, Nodoka Manabe was standing next to the closet door when it opened and Azusa Nakano stepped out. They looked at each other for a moment, and then Nodoka spoke. "Oh my god, did you literally just come out of the closet?"

Azusa lowered her voice. "I was just getting these cat ears. That's all."

Nodoka looked at Azusa's new set of cat ears stick up off her head. "Why?"

Azusa shrugged. "I figured it's a special occasion, so why not?"

Nodoka shook her head. "At least you have good grades. Otherwise you'd be a definite neet."

Elsewhere, Akira Wada yawned as she leaned back in a chair. Yui Hirasawa sat down beside her, greeting her cheerfully. "Hello, Akira!"

Akira lazily looked over to Yui. "Oh, hi, Yui."

Ui Hirasawa sat down on Akira's other side, her hair let down in a way that made her look identical to Yui. "Hello, Akira."

Akira quickly looked between the two. "What the fuck? Ritsu, I thought you said no plus ones."

Ritsu Tainaka turned from where she was standing and yelled at her bandmate. "Yui, I said no plus ones!"

Yui gave a thoughtful look. "Do clones count as plus ones?"

Ritsu frowned. "Ui's not a clone, Yui."

Ui stood up regardless. "She's right. I shouldn't stay here much longer. I have a flight to catch." While Ui was very much one of them, she shouldn't have been there because she had a flight taking her to the college she had applied for in London.

As Ui made her way to the door, Sachi Hayashi and Ayame Yoshida were discussing the future of their band, among other things. Or at least Sachi was trying to talk about them. Ayame was trying to keep her voice down and raise it at the same time. "Can we talk about this later."

"Later?" Sachi was just trying not to freak out about something they had recently found out. "When, like after Akira dies and apparently leaves all her belongings to you, and all I get is a fluffy bunny? You don't even know how to play a guitar."

Ayame scratched her head. "Yeah, right. Like that'll be what I'm thinking about when my best friend dies. ...I really wanted that bunny."

Sachi shook her head. "You know what? I changed my mind. I'm going to enjoy the shit out of that bunny."

And Akira could totally hear everything they were saying.

In a room of ten girls, Ritsu cleared her throat. "Nodoka?"

Nodoka nodded and stepped to the front of the room. Ritsu handed her a glass of some bubbly drink, and they clinked their glasses together. As Ritsu sat back down, Nodoka was about to speak when she realized Tsumugi was still playing. "Uh, Maestro?"

Ritsu shouted across the room. "Damn it, Mugi! That means stop!"

Mugi made a pouting face, holding down as many keys at once as she could. Regardless, she quickly came out from behind her keyboard and sat down at one of the tables. Ritsu nodded to Nodoka, indicating that she was now free to speak.

Nodoka cleared her throat once Mugi was seated. "Alright, first of all, thank you all for coming. Moving along quickly, is everyone in their assigned seats?" She waited for everyone to confirm that they were indeed sitting where they were supposed to. "Good, now if you'll all look under your chairs, there are envelopes for you. I'd like you to open them all up."

Everyone reached under their chairs to find, indeed, there were envelopes waiting for their hands to grab hold. They started opening the envelopes, most merely intrigued, but a few were excited.

Jun tore into hers. "Oh sweet! What is it, money?"

Ritsu started laughing, but quickly shot down the hope. "Ha ha, yeah... no." Ritsu slid out her envelope's contents to find it was a photograph. A very incriminating photograph. "Nodoka, what the hell is this?"

At the same time, Jun and Azusa were reacting pretty much the same way. Nodoka nodded. "This is justice. That's right, look upon your sins." Akira and Sachi also got upset quite quickly after opening their envelopes.

Mio took a moment to look over the paper that was in her envelope, then turned it around to show it to Nodoka. "Uh, yeah, this is just a bunch of dick doodles."

Ayame jumped up. "Oh, that's where it went!"

Nodoka reached into her pocket and pulled out another envelope. "Shit, I knew I had one extra." She handed it to Mio, and then went back to her spot at the front of the room. "Right, anyway... You all got blood on your hands, and now you're all going to pay." Yui and Mugi gasped at the contents of their envelopes.

Mio opened the replacement, and too one look at the paper before tossing it onto the table in front of her. "Yeah, more dick doodles."

Ayame jumped up to get the paper. "Oh, that's mine too." Mio facepalmed.

Jun set her envelope down and pointed her finger accusingly at Nodoka. "That's not fair. Ton-chan was an accident, the fork slipped, Azusa acquitted me, you're not allowed to talk about that."

Ayame piped up. "Yeah, and Chiyo died for science. That's like, one of the top three or four ways to die."

Nodoka waved her hand at them. "Yeah, I don't care why you did it. The point is, I'm going to get filthy rich from turning you all in. So fuck you." She flipped her middle finger at Ritsu, who returned the gesture. "Fuck you." She repeated the process with Jun, who also responded in kind. "And fuck you." She finished off with Akira, who sent it back in double.

Azusa stood up. "Now, wait a minute. What's to stop us from just killing you and burning the body."

Nodoka reached into her pocket and produced a gun. "Well, first of all, I have this." The reaction was unanimous around the room. No one had seen it coming, and no one was having an easy time believing what was happening to begin with. Nodoka continued. "And second of all, while all of you have killed, only one of you is guilty of coldblooded murder." She took a drink from her glass. "And if that person tries to kill me..." And then she started choking. She tried to say more, but all that came out was more choking.

Ritsu interjected. "We can't understand you. Stop choking so we can understand you." But instead of stopping choking, Nodoka collapsed.

"Nodoka!" Yui jumped up and ran to her friend's side. "Nodoka, no!" She tried to help Nodoka, who had her hands at her throat and the gun still in her hand. "Nodoka, get the gun away from yourse- not me!" She batted the gun away, sending it to the floor. Nodoka flopped flat on the ground suddenly, and a moment later Yui stood up. "She's properly dead! Ritsu, you killed her!"

Ritsu jumped out of her seat. "What? No!"

Yui pointed to the glass standing beside her. "But you gave her the drink!"

Ritsu rushed over and picked up the drink. "Yeah, but look at the glass. There's... uh... okay, there's nothing there."

Mugi observed. "It was probably poisoned by the real killer!"

Akira stood up. "Well, whatever. Let's get out of here before anything else happens."

"Good idea!" Ritsu led the charge for the door.

Nine girls ran through the halls of the school, heading for the front door. When they arrived, however, they found it locked.

Azusa struggled with the door a moment longer. "Shit, we're trapped! We're trapped with the killer!" She started freaking out, grabbing and shaking Mio in her panic.

Ritsu pushed in between them, having spotted something stuck on the door. "Hey, what's this?" It was a neatly printed poem on a piece of paper. She read the title of the poem out loud. "Ten Little Kittens? Mio, what did I tell you about hanging your poetry on the walls?"

Mio shook her head. "Hey, my songs are beautiful, and that's not mine."

Ritsu took a closer look. "What?" She shoved Azusa out of the way and inspected the poem closer. "Uh oh. This looks like some kind of ominous omen for the rest of the evening."

Without warning, the lights in the school went out. There was screaming, and there was thumping, and there was running. And when the light returned, Azusa found herself alone in front of the door. She glanced around, looking for any sign of the others. There was no one. Not a sight, and not a sound.

"Are you frightened?" She spoke to herself. "Yes." She answered herself. "Not nearly frightened enough." She berated herself. "I know what hunts you." And then she stopped. "Stop talking to yourself. That's why no one likes you. Maybe if you stopped talking to yourself, people might like you." She shuffled off to see if she could find a way to escape.

* * *

"Down the dark halls of the school, late at night, as the trapped girls rushed about trying to find a way to escape or at least defend themselves, the poem hung in the air. It taunted them, threatened them, and haunted them. It followed their every move, making them look over their shoulders. It clung to their clothes, making them squirm in terror. The words rang throughout the school.

**_"Ten little kittens here to have a good time. One tried to leave, so then there was nine."_ **

We see Nodoka's body still laid out on the floor of the clubroom, the glass and gun left on the floor beside her.

**_"Nine little kittens trying to escape. One put it off, and then there were eight."_ **

Jun slowly walked down beside the rows of lockers, stopping at every isle to look every direction repeatedly.

**_"Eight little kittens, two lives now given. One fell, asleep, and then there were seven."_ **

Akira closed the janitor's closet door behind her, then suppressed a yawn. She was starting to wish she hadn't woken up early that morning.

**_"Seven little kittens, one always so rich. One was cut short, and then there were six."_ **

Ayame bolted though the halls as fast as possible. She knew the killer couldn't catch her if she was too fast.

**_"Six little kittens, one standing too high. One choked on jealousy, and then there were five."_ **

Sachi poked her head into a classroom. Seeing it was empty, she stepped in and closed the door behind her.

**_"Five little kittens, one frightened of gore. One hit too hard, and then there were four."_ **

Mio sat in a corner, huddled into a ball, shivering violently. She had to make herself as small as possible.

**_"Four little kittens, one drinking tea. One made burned sweets, and then there were three."_ **

Mugi found herself returning to the scene of the crime. (Well, one of them. (Okay, two, if you count the thing with Ton-chan)) She proceeded to prepare some tea.

**_"Three little kittens, a killer still loose. One got revenge, and then there were two."_ **

Yui was in the washroom. It was the first place she had gone, as she had realized she needed to go the moment the lights went out.

**_"Two little kittens, the killer not yet done. One took a left, and then there was one."_ **

Ritsu walked up the stairs, step by step getting closer to someone's back. She held her hands around her eyes mimicking binoculars.

**_"One kitten remains, still standing tall. The killer, it seemed, had died last of all."_ **

Azusa turned around, a frown on her face, glaring down the stairs at her stalker."

Azusa gave Ritsu a weird look. "Why were you on me for that killer line?"

Ritsu stopped. "Uh... no reason."

* * *

"And so, our story begins like any other night, but it will end with a night of terror. And so our story begins with ten little kittens running through the halls, having been lured into a trap under the pretense of a friendly party. Who is the killer? That, dear reader, is up to you to figure out."

Azusa stopped and turned around again. "God damn it! Stop narrating, Ritsu!"


	2. And Then There Were Nine

Jun found her way into a different clubroom. She was sure this one belonged to the carpentry club or something. It looked the part anyway. She ran up to one of the work shelves and started sorting through the tools and materials laid out before her. Her hands grabbed some tools, pulling the trigger to check the nail gun for nails and swinging the hammer to feel it's weight. She was sure she could work with this.

Then she heard the click of a gun from behind her. She turned, lowering her weapons. "So it's you. Ritsu."

Ritsu stepped into the light. "No. I'm not the killer."

Jun nodded at the other's weapon. "Why do you have the gun?"

Ritsu reached into her pocket with her free hand and pulled out a pair of sunglasses, putting them on as she answered. "Because I'm..." She reached into her pocket and produced another item. A badge. "An undercover cop. Yeah, that's right. I've been on the trail of this murderer for months. See, the night my brother was killed by the murderer, I made him a promise. He was laying on the ground in a pool of his own blood, and he said, 'Ritsu, I'm dying.' and I said, 'I know.' and he said, 'Ritsu, call me an ambulance.' and I said, 'Ehh...'. Yeah, cause I don't know if you remember this or not, but I lost my cellphone months before we went to college."

Jun nodded. "Oh, yeah, I remember that. Mio told me. She called me with your phone."

Ritsu continued. "Yeah, anyway, my brother died, but before he died, he said, 'Ritsu... I need you to... avenge me...' and I said, 'Now that I can do.'. I sorta hatched my plan back then. I call it Operation: Murder Banquet Under A Giant Glass Dome."

Jun looked around them. "Is there a glass dome outside the school? Because other than that, I'm liable to just believe that you think the stratosphere is made of glass."

Ritsu gave a sheepish look. "They, uh... they cut my budget. Apparently you're not allowed to use drug bust money for funding personal vendettas."

Jun held up her hands, trying to get something clear. "Wait, so Nodoka was just...?"

Ritsu nodded, glad Jun was catching on. "Ah, she was an actor. Yeah. A payed chump that I hired."

Jun looked surprised. "So, Nodoka's not really dead."

"Oh no, yeah, she's dead. She's dead."

Jun made a face. "So... you're solution to catching the killer was to lock her in here with nine potential victims?"

Ritsu waved her off. "Hey, I got this. I don't need your feedback. This is a plan in motion. Things are gonna happen, but I got this."

Jun grumbled, half turning back to the work shelf. "Easy for you to say. You're practically guaranteed to survive."

Ritsu snorted. "Yeah, not really. Remember, the killer is probably out for me. I could die at any time. I could die the shit out of a death."

Jun crossed her arms. "Wait a minute, so was that poem you as well?"

Ritsu put her gun away. "What, that? No, that was the real killer. My penmanship is terrible."

Jun narrowed her eyes at the older girl. "Sure... Well, good luck finding the killer."

Ritsu nodded and turned to head off. "Yeah, good luck surviving. See you later."

* * *

Walking down the hallway alone, Yui stopped when she suddenly heard the high-pitched notes of a keyboard. Poking her head into the nearest classroom, she saw Mugi fiddling with her keyboard, standing on top of the teacher's desk. Yui stepped in curiously. "Mugi, what are you doing?"

Mugi looked delighted to see Yui. "Oh, I'm glad you heard my distress signal. Quick, get off the floor."

"Why?" Yui gasped. "Are we pretending it's lava?"

Mugi smiled innocently. "No, we're pretending it's covered in scorpions, snakes, and spiders!"

Yui didn't look too interested. "Why would we pretend that?"

"Because it is."

Yui looked down to see a big fat ol' scorpion crawling towards her foot. "Eeek!" She jumped up on one of the desks. "Why?!"

Mugi puffed up her cheeks. "I accidentally let all the poisonous animals out of Miss Yamanaka's office. I managed to contain the jellyfish and the blue-ringed octopus, but let the cobra, scorpions, and spiders get away."

Yui seemed to be thinking very hard about Mugi's explanation. "Why didn't you focus on those ones instead?"

Mugi gave her a look like Yui should have known this. "Um, because Jellyfish are poisonous as shit."

Yui whined. "But they can't do anything on the land..."

Mugi sat down on the desk. "Look, Yui. I was acting fast. I had very little time to do anything."

Yui looked down, pouting. "I'm sorry. Why were there poisonous animals there anyway? Why couldn't it have been a kitty instead? That would have been so much better." The next moment, Yui was purring to herself and petting an imaginary cat.

* * *

Azusa walked alone down a dark hallway, jumping at every tiny noise. She had determined that, even if they weren't they killer, anyone could decide that now was a good time to take out their frustration on any of the others. She didn't want to end up targeted by any of the others, so she was hoping the night would end as soon as possible.

Unfortunately for her, she started talking to herself. "Okay, Azusa. You got this. You can survive one crazy night of murder. You can make it through this. You just gotta think like Ritsu. Ritsu would tear through this night like a pro. She wouldn't miss a beat. Okay, think, Azusa. What would Ritsu Tainaka do? Yeah, I can do this. I can do this. I got this- holy shit, mousetraps!"

She stopped at the top of the stairs, staring down at several dozen mousetraps set up at the bottom. She looked around, trying to see if anyone was sneaking up on her while she was distracted. She looked back down at the mousetraps once she determined she was alone.

She pulled her foot back from the stairs. "That was close. I could have died right there." Her mind started moving on its own. "...well, I guess it's time. I've been resisting the urge, but... I guess it's time..." She didn't realize it, but her face was starting to look sincerely insane. "...to put on the suit."

Azusa's laughter echoed down the halls.

* * *

Mugi and Yui came through the doors on opposite ends of the classroom, running in opposite directions. Neither of them seemed to notice Mio, who was standing in the hall between the two doors. They disappeared from view before she could call out to them. She was trying to decide which one to go after when she heard a hissing sound from the classroom. All manner of poisonous creature crawled and slithered out of the room through the doors that Mugi and Yui had left open.

She backed herself against the wall, hoping they wouldn't see her. Spiders and scorpions started swarming in her direction, stopping and standing around her feet. One scorpion even crawled on top of her foot before stopping. Mio tried her best not to move, but she was sure she was shaking like an earthquake.

Ayame walked around the corner down the hall, stopping when she saw Mio and the ground crawling with poisonous bugs. "Mio? Wait, hold on right there. I saw a wagon in one of the classrooms. I'll get you out of there." She turned and ran down the hall.

Mio stood still, not moving or speaking, absolutely frozen in fear. Her luck won out. Just as the scorpion moved off of her foot, Ayame came rolling up in front of her on the back of a small red wagon with a handle. Mio hopped into the wagon, with Ayame's assistance, and they then sat in the middle of the hallway in a wagon surrounded by poisonous bugs.

Mio waited a moment before turning to Ayame. "Well, we're on the wagon. Now what?"

Ayame held up her hand to quiet Mio. "Don't sweat it. I got this covered." She reached over her shoulder and pulled a shovel out of the back of her shirt.

Mio's face lightened up. "Are you going to use that to push us to safety?" Her hopeful look vanished when Ayame answered.

"Nope. I'm going to use it to fling them away from us." She punctuated her statement by proving it, scooping up a spider and flinging it down the hallway. Mio watched in horror as various poisonous creatures were flung in all directions away from them. She didn't want to think what would happen if anyone came around the corner.

Thankfully, soon enough, Ayame had cleared the area of danger. Mio looked down the hall in both directions. "While I appreciate what you're doing, don't you think it would have been better if you had sent them all in the same direction?"

Ayame realized what Mio meant. "Oh, yeah, I guess you're right... well, let's just make a run for it then. You go that way and I'll go this way."

They climbed out of the wagon and immediately started running. Mio didn't even look back as she skidded around a corner. She had to stop herself from skidding by putting her hands on a windowsill, which she immediately regretted when she saw the scorpion that had been tossed into the window. It raised its pincers and stinger menacingly at her, to which she responded by letting out a squeaking scream as she pulled away and continued to run down the hall.

* * *

She hadn't seen anyone in a while. Sachi was beginning to wonder if all the others had been killed off already. It seemed like it was too early for that to be the case, but then why hadn't she seen anyone? Maybe, she thought, they thought she was the killer. She didn't know what could make them think that, but she was beginning to have serious doubts about her friends.

Suddenly, there was someone in the hallway with her. It might have been one of her friends, but she couldn't tell in the darkness. She called out to them, whoever they were. "Who's there?" Taking a step closer, she tried taking wild guesses at who she was seeing. "Akira, is that you? Mio? Mugi?"

They were too tall to be Ayame, for sure. She stopped approaching them when she saw that they were wearing a black mask. She took a step back, beginning to fear for her life. The person who she naturally assumed was the killer wearing a mask to disguise themselves just stood there and stared at her. Sachi turned and ran, finding the nearest door and opening it. She shut the door behind her, sitting down and crying by herself in a small closet.

* * *

She ran through the halls all alone, trying not to get tripped up on any of the various items that had been left laying around. There were several mousetraps sitting around at the bottom of a flight of stairs, a wagon sitting around in the hallway, a shovel left leaning against the wall in a classroom. The school had turned into a deathtrap in moments. The worst part was that all the doors were locked, as well as all the windows on the ground floor. There was no escape.

Running to the end of another hallway, she climbed up on the windowsill. Pushing the window open, she saw exactly what she was looking for. There was a tree standing beside the school, and she determined that it was close enough to jump to. She was glad she had picked the third floor, because she wouldn't have had any branches to grab onto if she jumped from the second floor. Closing her eyes, she mentally reassured herself that she could indeed do this. She opened her eyes again, steadying herself with her hands.

Something crawled on top of her hand. Looking down, her eyes went wide at the sight of a scorpion. Screaming and pulling away, she realized her mistake a moment too late. As she fell she wondered if everyone would think she jumped or if they would ever know that she had been pushed out the window by a scorpion.

Ui Hirasawa hit the ground with a loud thud, dying while trying to escape from the school.


End file.
